Saturday, May 19, 2007

Trusting Your Heart

Paul and I recently wrote to our client list about the possibility of us doing some kind of support group or class. MANY people tell us they're interested in such a thing but when we asked for feedback on developing this group only one person wrote back. We're still sitting with the decision as to whether or when to go forward. In the meantime I didn't write back to this one client until today. She had a specific concern about how to trust that her inner guidance is genuine. I felt her question was at the heart of why so many people come to us in the first place--they don't know how to trust their hearts so I thought I'd talk about that issue here.

Our client wanted to know the difference between "genuine" guidance and her usual self-talk mix of hopes and fears, "shoulds" and desires. This was my response:

"This could be the one concern everyone has from time to time, myself included. How do you know the difference between inner guidance and fears talking? Well, as I said before, sitting with something you're not sure about—especially when there may be fears running the show for better and for worse—is always the right choice. Far easier to get a more genuine response if you can get into a more meditative place before even asking. So, that's step one.

"Then, when you're not feeling driven by urgency and/or fear check inside again: is this something you really want to do? Something you dream about doing? Desire with all your heart (whether it would be good for you or not?) Would you desire to have this thing you're dreaming about EVEN IF it led to "mistakes" being made, disappointments, criticism, etc.? Well, if you really want it and trust that whatever the consequences are that you'll be able to pick up the pieces again and walk away with your head held high (at least I tried), go ahead. That's your heart leading you forward.

"If not, then you need to look at why you're being nagged about this decision. Fear can be a good teacher, too. "Gee, I haven't done the dishes. I SHOULD do it before going to bed but I'm just so tired. I really don't want to........but I know the consequences will be a return of the horrendous ant infestation we had last week when I did the same thing so.........ok, fear and "shoulds" win out. I really don't feel like the consequences of my action are worth going to bed early. You get the difference. Sometimes "shoulds" need to be listened to. Sometimes they don't. Think about the consequences. What are the "shoulds" attempting to protect you from?

"That's all I can think of for now.

"Thanks for responding to our email announcement. We'll keep everyone posted on our future plans when we have any. For the time being, though, we're not deciding because we don't have a strong enough desire to go ahead just yet.....just a nagging pull that comes up over and over. I think the timing and momentum haven't built enough yet and that needs to develop first. That's probably part of your answer, too, by the way. Right timing is part of everything. But I don't know how to describe knowing about that. I tend to trust my inner urgency in a more positive sense. For instance, I woke up this morning with an inner urge to write to you. I knew there was nothing in the way, no fear pushing me forward, and no obvious consequence I couldn't live with, so it must be time to go ahead. So I did."

At one point learning to trust my inner guidance and not allowing myself to be fooled by my inner trickster—the saboteur and/or loving guide that sometimes intervenes to teach us hard lessons—was a huge life issue for me. It seems, though, that when I'm less driven by fears and more driven by what I most want/need to do that trickster doesn't seem to get its foot in the door. I actually designed a flower essence based formula, "Trusting Inner Guidance," with that concern in mind.

But I haven't used this one in quite some time. I forgot I even had the issue.

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