Thursday, August 30, 2007

Zinnia, Dance and Me


Not long ago I developed a pretty painful neck and shoulders from working working working over and over and over on my computer. Not in a pretty frame of mind much of the time either.

Oh, it started out that way. You see, I really love what I do on the computer -- writing , drawing, uploading things to the internet. But while I'm working, working, working I tend to forget that the whole point of doing this kind of a life was to love what I do when I get up in the morning. But that Puritan work ethic was so well drilled into my brain -- you can't feel good about yourself unless you have something to show for your life -- that I start to get obsessed with getting "enough" done.

But who's defining "enough"? When I was a kid I was expected to be at the top of my class. "B"s were not acceptable--I had to have "A"s. And, actually, the way I internalized it, I had to be the best. Good enough is never good enough. It has to be GREAT!

Sigh. Where's the room for having fun?

So my neck and shoulders have been hurting and I've been going to my chiropractor to try to get my head screwed back on straight. In more ways than one, actually. I've also been doing a lot of life review, looking at family patterns, getting clear on how this pattern really took a hold of me.

My guides suggested I could use more "Zinnia" in my experience. Zinnia is a flower essence for people who are overly serious, who have forgotten how to play, and need to reconnect with feelings of joy. So, even though my painful neck and shoulders normally would have stopped me from going, I decide to follow my inner desire to go to my African dance class again. I figured that's one of the most joyful settings I've been in in Santa Cruz and, even if I sat out part of the time, it would still feel better than fretting about how bad I feel in my room.

So I went and, on the way there, I wished I had a perfume with Zinnia in it that I could wear and my guides said " Intend Zinnia instead." Well, okay, I did and at the beginning of class my teacher made a point of encouraging everyone to go for joy. "It doesn't matter if you can't do the moves. Just do whatever feels joyful to you. Relax, have fun!"

Then part way into the warm up part of class someone came in late with a large basket of garden seeds that she was giving away for free. As she passed me one seed packet fell off the top. I danced on trying not to step on it but finally curiosity got the best of me and I reached down to see what it was. Zinnia.

Divine play. Of course.

I use Zinnia in my Comfort and Joy flower essence formula.

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