Friday, August 01, 2008

Working the Labyrinth

So earlier in the week I wrote about "fighting the labyrinth" and needing to slow down and trust the time natural process seems to take. The back and forth path a labyrinth takes is just so frustrating when I want to go full speed ahead (like I was taught).

I found my Impatiens flower essence in a perfume I created specifically for depression -- Renewed Faith and Optimism. I haven't been depressed this week--I've been BUSY--but I decided to try it anyway.

Now here's the truth about Renewed Faith and Optimism perfume: I decided to discontinue that formula because I wasn't sure the American buying public would put up with it. Hopelessness and depression can actually be the result of unexpressed or even unacknowledged (pushed away) grief. So the first thing this perfume can do (sometimes) is bring those feelings out. To the surface where they can be released.

And that sucks! Sort of. I mean, who wants to feel grief when you're not expecting it? I don't. (It occurs to me that using my Renewed Faith formula is an act of faith in itself! Not exactly a great advertisement. :/ )

But a funny thing happens when I've used this perfume. I hate the initial response but, if I keep going, the grief goes away and in its place comes an amazing sense of calm, relaxation and peace. I feel like everything's going to be okay. Faith. And a relaxed gentle optimism. Different from the forced "I can do it! I'll make it happen!" kind of "optimism" that goes along with pushing too hard. This is the true optimism that comes from trusting that things are going to be alright. And that's how it worked for me this week. Nice!

What's the grief about? I don't know. . . I think it has to do with a hidden underlying belief that I'm on my own and the potential consequences of failure are too high.

It's something I was taught. Force-fed, so to speak. Have faith? Trust in God? No way! You have to work hard to get anywhere in this life! And it's all on YOUR plate so what are you going to do about it? Hurry up! What are you messing around for? You're wasting time! How are you going to get anywhere in life if you can't do better than this? What's the matter with you?!!!

And forget about trial and error. There's no room for "error." You can't afford the luxury of making mistakes. You got a B on your test? What's wrong with you? Didn't you study enough? You got an A? Couldn't you get an A+?

You hear something like that day in and day out and anybody would get depressed. Or workaholic (or something worse) to cover it over.

So that's what I was doing this week. I was pushing, pushing forward, overly focused on trying to force the future into place. By myself. As if it was all on MY plate. As if it was a race.

And after I used my perfume...Wow! Blessed relief! The grief sucked, as always, but when I continued with the perfume I got my reward: peace. It's okay, we're going to get what we need, I can go at my own pace. My pace is alright. I can be myself.

And that's what working the labyrinth is all about. Coming back to center, back to God, back to ourselves.


nicole meredith, said...

YES! i'm so with you on this post. thanks for sharing these thoughts - your posts rule (but will not be officially graded, at least not by me ;-)

Sheryl Karas said...

:-> !!!