Monday, April 13, 2009

Resolving Polarity in Relationships -- Could Both People Be Right?

One of the biggest things Paul and I have taught each other is how both people hold a piece of the truth in a relationship and how important it is to resolve polarized thinking that arises from time to time.

You know how it is to KNOW you are absolutely right and to have your partner believe and adamantly insist on the exact opposite? Yeah? Well that's polarized thinking. BOTH people believe they are right and neither will budge an inch. And the more one of you insists on the rightness of their position, the more the other one fights back and insists on their own. You get further apart and it can even feel like you've reached an unsolvable impasse.

But there's always a chance to allow it to go another way.

Paul and I learned several things or two before getting together. I guess that's an advantage of getting together later in life. But even though we are best buddies and almost constant companions, workmates and playmates, we do get stuck on opposite sides of the tracks from time to time. We believe we are soulmates but the most important aspect of that is learning how to negotiate the complementary approaches to life the two of us frequently inhabit.

Complementary isn't bad -- it means we fill in for each other's experience and outlook in what should be a perfect fit.... but ONLY if we recognize it as such. Otherwise, it could be an experience that courts disaster. Luckily, we know our most likely pitfalls now. And we have learned that figuring out solutions that bring both of our rightnesses together is always the best way to go.


Anonymous said...

We figured out long ago that the answer lies somewhere in the middle between us.

Happiness reigns.


Sheryl Karas said...

Yeah, we talk about that middle place a lot, too. Lots of love!