From time to time I do healing experiments with flower essences and other modalities that are mind-blowingly effective. On this blog I've shared stories of working with myself and my cat. In many cases long time issues appeared to heal themselves for good. It's always gratifying to write about that. . . but what about the times when symptoms return or come back in an even worse form?
It happens. Not often but it has happened for me and even my cat. For example now, years after the first healing I linked to above, I'm revisiting the same symptoms again and I truly thought they were gone for good. So what's going on? Did the healing "wear off"?
No. What's happening from my perspective is that things can happen that shake up a person's worldview and old memories and the messages attached to those memories get reignited. In the link above I write in detail about parental beliefs that I took in. I was writing about my mom's intense fear for my well-being but today I realize both parents worked hand-in-hand in that regard. Many of us lived with people who only wanted the best for us and inadvertently filled our heads with fears about taking risks and going after our hopes and dreams (even if they really hope we will). And who could blame them? After all, my parents' generation went through the Great Depression and a World War! They wanted us to be safe and not to have to go through the worst of what they experienced or witnessed. So when I got the message to go into a safe profession and stay there it really wasn't their fault. It's just what an entire generation and the one they raised believe in now.
After going through a Great Recession crash myself I very much used their advice as a crutch. "Get a job! Get any job! Stop holding out for what you want-- you can't afford it! Your finances are gone!" And so, with great shame and humility, I wound up working at a retail store in the worst job I ever have had in my life. Poor pay, no benefits, sometimes miserable working conditions, a $%^@ of a boss. And the physical symptoms I was experiencing before came back only worse.
Sometimes experiences come into our lives to take us further in our development. Sometimes other people make choices that impact us. For example, the choices I used to make in my life around employment tended to be okay. I took risks to be self-employed at times but I never had a hard time finding regular work I was well suited for when I needed it. I never really had to settle for a miserable job for even a few weeks. There was always something better. . . until the banking industry and various corporate entities made choices that crashed the economy. My hair is grey now. And Paul and I aren't living in a big city or near one where jobs are more plentiful. And my resume says I've taken time out to do spiritual counseling and healing work for 8 years. Add it all up and the odds of finding a normal but decent job in recent times have not been real good.
Just like that, it's possible to fall into a maelstrom that tests one's resolve. It's easy to think "Oh damn, my parents were right. I never should have let go of that really boring but well-paid and dependable job with great benefits I once had." I don't blame myself for not anticipating the changes in our world. But just because I never saw a recession like this in my lifetime doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Didn't my parents warn me about this? "I should have known better than to act so cavalier." And even though I know better than to blame myself so much and even though the mean-spirited condemnation-laden political message we're being served from conservatives around Obamacare and minimum wage, etc. makes me angry. . . it's also hard not to take a little bit of it in. I mentioned the shame I felt at taking a retail job: "You can do better than that!" "If you can't pay for health insurance now it's your own damn fault!" etc., etc. Have you ever had thoughts like that? I fight those thoughts. . . but they're in there.
So, there are times when old healing issues return to be addressed again. In my case: "you think you just have to believe in a positive reality, walk in the direction of your dreams, and see them all come true? Easy to do when jobs are plentiful! But what are you going to believe in now?"
The call is then to take your healing to a deeper level. What are the messages you really need to believe for your highest well-being and your real health and well-being as human on the planet now?
Was the old healing good enough? On some level it was: I needed to address my fear of change and I needed to feel nurtured and safe. But back then I was rejecting the messages from my youth. On some level that's good, too, but it's far better to accept the wisdom and truth in those messages along with knowing we are more than the fears they were draped in. We are more than fear-based creatures who think we are standing on the edge of a cliff. It's good to have money coming in from a miserable day job but no one has to settle for a life of poverty-laden drudgery (thanks, mom and dad, for telling me this). If we have actually fallen down the hillside a bit we can take a look around from where we are now, find out who is with us and who is in a better place who can pull us back up (the nurturing part —we are never alone) so we can more easily get to a better place ourselves.
In my case, I'm back in school to get my skill set updated. And my teachers are nurturing and a source of positive inspiration—yay! I'm still working at bringing our businesses back up and want to see them succeed. But now I understand the value of not taking risks that are too big for me to handle. That means I will probably continue to do additional employment until our financial base has stabilized. And I will take steps to put business plans and better choices back into place. It means being a little less out of step with parental wisdom. AND being willing to act on my choice for my life to be what I want. Being a little less opposed to more conservative points of view without taking on the mantle.